Recklessness Delirium

Here I am awake and unable to fall asleep.  I ask myself to many questions within my brain that keeps me sidetracked from the real task.  I love sleeping and am usually able to fall asleep easily but, tonight is one of those nights where I am unable to fall asleep due to the questions I constantly ask myself.  Why has society accepted different things?  Why has my own lifestyle differed from so many others?  Why do I sometimes get an empty feeling inside when I am all alone and unable to fall asleep?  These questions constantly protrude my brain and make me think so many things at once I cannot do what I normally do and just create the fire image and burn everything until I sleep.  So here I am at an attempt of writing on these questions I cannot seem to grasp.

Why has society accepted different things?  I understand individuality and that we are all raised differently and have different interests.  Why has society accepted religion and killing for example?  Killing in a more dramatic sense for between nations at war killing is a necessity for survival or so it seems.  Religion is also a strange subject because of how it came about and stayed.  For Killing is it right to just kill someone straight out with no mercy?  Can it be justified even if that man has killed another?  What if that man had a need of survival to kill?  It seems so justified in war that killing is just the normal human behavior, a behavior shared by all predators.  Killing for survival is just what has been done will be done.  Why then do we fear death?  That is another subject which I might try and open one day but it will never be answered.  If taking a life deserves death than the one that takes the life of the one that took a life would need to be killed.  It is a never ending cycle and makes no sense.  Killing in my opinion could be justified for the acts of wrongdoing especially in a sane person.  If a man knowingly kills another and does it just because then yes he should deserve death or an entire life of nothing.  That man deserves exile where he cannot harm or enjoy the rest of his life because he took it from another.  In some religions it is believed that killing can be justified through god or whatever is being worshiped.  This is just an escape to bring death to someone.  It is accepted because society accepts this religion.  Is religion also an escape?  Is it so we believe in something that can save us from our death?  I am just rambling on this and lost my thought process so lets go on.

Why has my own lifestyle differed from so many others?  I was brought up in a church from when I was born to my teenage years.  I went or was forced to go every Sunday.  I learned all about the Christian religion and how it would save me.  I hated it, it made me never want to go back.  I don't know if it was my parents or just my own person that made me hate it.  I ended up completely different from anyone else though.  I was a very energetic kid so my parents also put me in sports.  I liked to play these sports because I was able to run around or exert energy on something that made me tired.  This was my undoing in high school.  I was a kid that had completely different interests from those that I spent most of the day with.  They never really talked to me with an exception of a few and I ended up having a different lunch than my real friends so I ended up becoming invisible.  I was just alone and it was strange.  I liked it for a while but it got very lonely.  Does this mean humanity needs companions to survive?  Are we a race that requires other persons around us to really grasp what is going on?  Is this why I have an empty feeling in my stomach when I am alone and unable to fall asleep?

Loneliness is what some strive on and what some fear.  Is that even what this empty feeling is?  I think it might be.  I think humanity is drawn to one another for some reason.  This is why I like how star trek has the unity thing going on.  How they have humanity finally together for an objective of exploration and peace.  I really hope one day that humanity becomes that way but i never know if it will.  People are just to arrogant and have warped ideals of what humanity should be doing.  Could having these companions make you happy though?  Could having someone around you constantly who knows you make you happy?  Someone you could tell anything to that would never judge you?  Someone who pushes you to be yourself and enjoy what is going on around you?  In my opinion we all need help from even just one individual.

Help comes in many different forms but having someone there to help you always makes life better.  People need other people to help them along their journey.  This some might say is how people can become happy and also how people become depressed.  Just putting yourself out there and trying for anything, any connection regardless of the consequence is very hard but if succeeds makes the end justify any of the means.  If this is what being happy is all about then I would say I am happy.  I am not sure if any of this even makes sense and my point may have been lost long ago but with this my mind is a bit clear and I understand I am happy and should always remember that.  Strong, Loving, Admirable and intelligent people are around me and I am happy because of it.  Especially the one I help sleep.

Who knows what will happen but choices will define the characteristics of a person.

first thing first

I woke up this morning and ate a then went to work and had a swell time.  This work has been busy this past week and I have met some strange people.  I ended up moving computers.  Once finished with work I went to Megans condo and took care of her dog Kevin.  Megan got home and took a nap while I took care of her dog and idly watched T.V which I really do not enjoy in large sums but am to lazy to do anything else.  I took a test after I rudely woke up Megan.  Now I have to wake up and go to Jesus Saves tomorrow morning for a project I unwillingly had to participate in.  Goodbye this was for Megan, real blog posts to follow.